If every child starts swapping their Daddy-Mummy mobile . Soon we will become the country with the highest divorce rate!

::jokes in roman english::
A guy in a plane stood up & shouted: “HIJACK!”
All passengers got scared
From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back “HI JOHN”.

Hello everyone.
I wanted to share with you how delighted and proud I feel of myself!
When I switched off the TV today, I caught myself on it.

I wanted to tell you a construction joke, but I cannot. Because it is still a work in progress!

::jokes in roman english::
Girlfriend: My birthday is tomorrow, what gift will you give me?
Boyfriend: Ring
GF: O really...Sweetheart!
BF: I will give you a Ring but do not accept my call tomorrow,
my mobile balace is very low sweetheart.

Girlfriend: Darling Give me your Diamond Ring.
Boyfriend: Why honey?
Gf: I'm going to miss you see it everyday.
Bf: You would remember me anyway.
Girlfriend: How's that?
Bf: thinking that I had not given you that precious ring.

Jokes in Roman English

If a paper comes very tough in an exam,
Just close your eyes for a moment,
Take a deep breath and say loudly,
“This is a very interesting subject; I want to study it again”.

1 naughty small kids purposing Madam- I luv you Madam
Madam- I hate children..
Kid-He said with a smile, I will try that ...not to have kids.......new whatsapp funny sms

Google, Microsoft, Reliance, Facebook, Whatsapp, Apple - all owned by boys
.
.
.
.
What girls do getting Top, Highest Marks in Exam?

Hajj and Holy river bathing is for innocent Poor Good people not for Rich & VIP.
Coz, the High Court and Supreme Court wash the sin of the rich person & VIP.

Laugh, until U have teeth..
YOU can not Smile Later!!!funny english sms!

:: Funny English SMS ::
Awesome Saying:
In Life,Don't Be A Rat In A Rat Race Coz Even If You Win You'll Still Be A Rat,
Instead Be With Lions, Even If You Lose You'll Still Be A Lion!

My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to the hospital.
I went to see him the next day.
He just kept whispering “yang qi guan” over and over and then died.
I was very sad and Googled his last message after the burial.
Apparently, it means “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”.

If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it's considered responsible and
Good Decision. But if you do that with your girlfriend gf lover beloved, It's called "Cheating" "Dhokha"!
very interesting jokes in english(~_~)

Boys, Girls and some of my Friends think that "Whatsapp Display Picture"
is an underwear that you should change it daily! (+_+)Whatsapp interesting jokes

Users should have "Driving License" for WhatsApp
Some people are running WhatsApp blindly-ruffly :)

Yumraj - Kejriwal, your age is over now, if you have any last will tell; . Kejriwal - Sir, you please give a statement to the media You are saying all this Due to Modi. .*'funny english sms'*.

After coffee with karan
Star world TV is planning:-
» Tea with Modi
» Horlicks with Rahul &
» Cough syrup with Arvind.

What's the similarity between Income Tax and a Caller Tune?
.
..
...
In both the cases, one pays the money and others enjoy.

Human-beings get rich as they grow old:
Silver in Hair;
Gold in Teeth;
Sugar in Blood;
Precious Stones in Kidney;
And a never ending supply of Gas!

I don’t know why it hurts when we bite our tongue mistakenly.
But it didn’t hurt when we bite it intentionally.
And I still don’t understand why you are biting your tongue now.

In every love story, a girl supports her brother,
But a brother never supports his sister.
Because the sister knows what love is and brother knows what boys are.

:: Full Dose of Laughter/Comedy/Fun/Masti ::

I bought a new printer because
it was cheaper than ink refills.
Now I'm wondering how long before
new cars are cheaper than fuel.

Santa: My wife is a very careful driver.
Banta: How do you know that?
Santa: She always slows down when passing a red light!

Laughter is d Best medicine,
.
.
.
.
But if u r laughing without any reason, U need Medicine..

A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note:
Dearest Mom,
If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave.

Father put a thumb sign on his son's report card.
Son: Papa, you're an engineer, then why this thumb?
Father: Seeing your very poor marks, the teacher should not think that your father is educated.

funny sms for friends | funny sms in english | funny sms english | funny sms jokes in english | english funny sms | sms funny |
very funny sms in english |

After 0ur Last Argument,
I Told My Girlfriend,
"I Hope Your Next Boyfriend
Appreciates The Improvements
I've Made In You .

Boys are stronger than Girls??

Ohh Please !!
No Ways!!!
Can they carry 8kg of shopping bag?
Can they go a week eating only salad?
Can they face a heart break?

:: Jokes in roman english ::
If You Look At The Sky Tonight
And Notice That The Brightest Star Is Missing,
I Swear I Have No Clue
How The Hell I Fell From Sky But I'm OK

:: latest, new, best, English funny sms, collection ::
believe in love ...!Love has great power !
It can " REMOVE " misunderstandings,Anxieties, worries Doubts,Fears ,Tears ,T shirts,Tops, Jeans etc etc etc ..

:: latest, new, best, English funny sms, collection ::
Children: You spend the first 2 years teaching them to walk and talk.
Then the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

tips 4 boys-
if you marry one girl,she will fight with you.
if you marry two girls,they will fight for u....
think different

Y r u so opposite to me?
When i say tea,u say coffee!
I say white,u say black!
I went to dental hospital,u went to mental hospital!
I came back and u still there!

V Need A Way Of Telling
People They Have Bad
Breath Without Hurting
Their Feelings
Like
"Well I M Bored
Let's Go Brush 0ur Teeth ...

When I was in darknes,you gave me light.
You gave me strength to make life bright.
Thank you so much. ..
PHILIPS TUBELIGHT...................very short funny sms

Teacher: Wht do u want to be when you grow up?
Pappu: I want to follow in my father's footsteps and be a policeman.
Teacher: I didn't know your father was a policeman.
Pappu: He isn't. He's a burglar!

Two prisoners were waiting to be executed. "Any last requests?" asked the jailer.
"Yes", replied one of the prisoners. "I love music; so before I die, could you play me something by Himesh Resham"
And the second prisoner said, "Please kill me first."

Only "Itch Guard" can claim that it started it's business from 'scratch'.

Banta: What's the difference between us and Camels?
Santa: They can work without drinking for 7 days
and
We can drink without working for 7 days!

Pappu and Pinky were arguing over the breakfast table.
"You're so stupid," said Pappu.
"That's enough" said their dad. "Pappu, say sorry to Pinky", added Santa.
Pappu: I'm sorry you're so stupid!

Only 3 living beings are immune to cold:
1. Polar bears
2. Penguins
3. Girls wearing sleeveless and backless dresses in marriages during severe winter.

I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, my friends send money.

If you ever find a woman who is Gorgeous and glamorous; has a nice figure, intelligent, gets things done on her own, drives a car very well, cooks best food, has little expectations and is not at all materialistic and loves you unconditionally, let it be known that the alcohol you have consumed is of the highest quality!

iPhone » Android » Nokia » Land phone » Typewriter » 2 cans and a string » Message in a bottle » Pigeon with a note taped to it » Blackberry

Q: Why are Egyptian children always confused?
A: Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.

Dear Internet Users, One day you will really regret not reading me.

Sincerely,
Terms and Conditions or T & C Applied

Most people aren't sorry; just sorry they got caught.

You can never ask a girl her age. There is no such concept.
They don't have age but age groups which are follows:
Baby, Babes, Bebe and Biji!

There is nothing more expensive than a single drop of a female/girl tear!
When a tear falls, it first mixes with 'MAC' eyeliner and 'Maybelline' mascara;
Then it comes down to the cheek, it mixes with "La Femme" blusher;
And in case it touches the lips, it gets mixed with 'Lancome' lipstick;
This means that a single drop is worth at least Rs 15000!

Teacher: Do you know as to why did the World Wildlife Fund choose the giant panda as their symbol?
Pappu: Because they didn't have a colour printer!

A cute prayer 4 U - Dearest Friends:
May God break d front teeth of those ppl who secretly plot evil against u..
So dat u knw ur enemies by their smiles!

Sorry for distrubing you at this time...
if you are free now...
if you in good mood now....
if you have no work...
then please delete this message.

Funny English sms 2016,
Always have a
BACKUP
BEFORE
BREAKUP!

The Bank sends Santa a email written...
'Your payments are outstanding Sir....".
Santa replies - Thanks for the compliment Yaar.

Man to a very cute Air hostess: What's your name?
Air Hostess: Eva Benz
Man:Lovely name.Any relationship with Mercedes Benz?
Air Hostess:Our maintenance cost is the same :)

Having a wife is a part of living, But living with wife is called The Art of Living..

Very funny lines said to GOOGLE..
.
.
.
'Can u just Allow Me to write my sentence before you start Guessing !!.

Only a man knows a Man's nature!! For eg..
.
.
Customer: I want to buy a Ladies watch..
shopkeeper: Biwi l liye chahiye ya branded dikhau?

The next generation Boys Poem..
'Drinking Drinking little BEER,
How i wonder which BAR is near,
Quarter rates r up so HIGH,
Have desi with chana fry..!

KID : Y some of ur hair r white DAD?
Dad: Everytime u make me unhappy, 1 of my hair turns white.
KID: Now I understand y grandpa's hair r ALL white..!!

Santa was selling Parashut..
Plane se kudo,Button dabao aur aap zamin pe safe..
Custmer-Agar Parasdhut nhi Khula to..
Santa-O ji le aana change kr dunga..

What is d similarity between a successful Charterd Accountant & Miss World? Both are Very 'CONSCIOUS'about "FIGURES"

I believe that the Great word "STUDYING" was derived from the two words.
"STUdents+DYING"...If Ur opinion is also same then send this to all..

Teacher- Hw old are you?
Pappu- Plz see in school Register.
Teacher- From Where are you?
Pappu- Take a look at school records.
Teacher- What do you love the most, the mother or father?
Pappu- Ask my sweet heart.
Teacher- Where's your heart?
Pappu- Ask your daughter.

Pappu: Papa, 1 good news?
Santa: Yes - yes tell.
Pappu: This year you do not have to buy new books for me.
Santa (being happy): Well, you are getting somewhere for free?
Pappu: No, this time I've failed.

Jeeto (Pappu): Son go, get your room cleaned.
Pappu: You come with me.
Jeeto Why should I?
Pappu: you do not know, "Clean India campaign" is going to draw you a picture and I'll do the cleaning. Like all politicians are nowadays.

Teacher of Pappu: Why did not completed you home-work?
Pappu: Sir, because I live in the hostel.

Teacher: How many people can sit on a bike?
Pappu: 13 men.
Teacher: How's that?
Pappu: 1 driver and 2 chhakke!

Pappu: Teacher I can make the impossible possible.
Teacher: How's that?
Pappu: Sir! Just removing im from the word "impossible"

Teacher: Tell me the name of a place, which is made by man, but still she can not go there?
Pappu: Sir, female toilets.

Pappu: I Love You.
Girl: I love you, too.
Pappu: Give a kiss N Tight Hug...Honey.
Girl: No, all this after the wedding.
Pappu: Okay, then call me after you married to someone!.

Santa: Real Estate agents can be the best scriptwriters.
Banta: Why?
Santa: Because they know good plots!

Height of Positive thinking: A Man Marrying his own secretary, Thinking that she will follow his order as Before...

A line written on a husband's T shirt:
All girls R devil but my wife is queen..
.
.
.
Of them ????

Help-desk guy speaking to a lady user …
Help-desk : double click on “My Computer”.
Lady : I can’t see your computer..
Help-desk: No .. Click on “My Computer” on your computer.
Lady: How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer ??? !!
Help-desk : There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on your computer .. double click on it.
Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my computer ? funny sms english

When I die, I want my grave to offer free Wifi so that people visit more often.

I will marry the girl, who look pretty in her Adhaar card.

I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.

Marriage means silent suicide. | one liner funny sms

Trust me you will dance N say aaj Dil Alcoholic hai- Alcohol

3 mistakes of everyone’s life: Facebook, Twitter and Whatsapp

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

God has a great sense of Humor, You’re the proof.

Banta: What do you call people who don't believe in going to the gym?
Santa: GymNastiks!

Thr r basically 7 TYPES OF GIRLS...
1. HARD DISK Girls:Remember everything forever.
2. RAM Girls: Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.
3. SCREEN SAVER Girls: Just for looking. .
4. INTERNET Girls: Difficult to access..
5. SERVER Girls: Always busy when needed. .
6. MULTIMEDIA Girls: Makes horrible things looks beautiful. .
7. VIRUS Girls : These type of girls are normally called 'WIFE' once enters in your
system don't leave even after format.

NEW TEACHER- All students introduce ur name and hobbies,
1st boy : My name is Pankaj nd my
hobby is watching moon,
2nd boy : my name is Amit and hobby
is watching moon,
3rd boy: my name is Parmod & my
hobby is
watching moon,
All boys told their different names but hobby
was same,
TEACHER : good all boys have same hobby,
Now its girl's turn,
1st girl : hi my name is moon...

Man: God !!, Girls are so sweet and ...Wives are so dangerous, why?
God: because Girls are made by me and wives are made by you

My favourite childhood memory? Not paying bills!

Mobiles/Smartphones are better than gf/girls/wife, At least we can easily switch off.

Funny love jokes about In smartphone age what a girl want? what a boy want?
Today girls want a boy, Whose future is Good,
.
Boys want a girl, whose past was Good.
What a heartiest wish of a boy or girl funny sms in english

Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?
Happu: You're both.
Girlfriend: What do you mean both?
Pappu: You're pretty ugly!

Interesting Truth:
If Sunday don't excite you, then change your friends Pal.
If Monday doesn't motivate you, then change your profession.
If Saturday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work, then you should probably change your girlfriend or wife!

She Proposed Me But I Was Rude..
Waah Waaah
She Proposed Me But I Was Rude,
.
Being Single Is My attitude.......new jokes over attitude

How does a Punjabi say that he has a fracture?


Manufacture Ho Geya Hai!

India's ATS Changed I.S.I.S To Crisis
By quick operation of Lucknow terrorist encounter.
I.S.I.S should take Lesson from previous Indian "surgical strikes" on Terrorist.

1 Girl to other Girl: What is the worst fear a Girl can face? 2nd Girl: Leaving his mobile phone home without pin or password!

There are 6 types of fear:
1. Terror
2. Panic
3. Exam Result
4. Username or Password is incorrect
5. We need to talk
6. 1 missed call from Wife

Girlfriend whisper to her boyfriend
could u rape me...
Boyfriend surprised and terrified and said no...never...it is sin
Girlfriend- Oh Common on coz rape is surprise s@x...

Girlfriend uninstalls WhatsApp after her boyfriend fails
to reply to her sms-msgs within 1 minutes

I visited my EX-girlfriend and she gave me food.
After a few second their dog came in and started to jump over and I said “this dog loves visitors”
A child replied with laugh, “No! No! Uncle, the problem is that you are using its plate”.

1) I woke up
2) I went to school
3) I saw her
4) I ran to her, and I hugged her
5) I kissed her
Actually, the right order is 3, 4, 5, 1, 2

Computer and IT jokes in English how a student tried to get his dream job:-
A guy went for an interview at a big IT company for the position of “Computer Hacking Investigator”
The boss asked him: So, what makes you suitable for this job?
Well, he replied, I hacked into your computer and invited myself to this interview.

They say milk gives strength.
I drank 4 cups and couldn’t move a wall.
But when I took 4 bottles of beers,
I saw the wall moving itself.
These scientists should better stop their lies.

The legal age for voting is 18 years and the legal age for marriage is 21 years.
Which means you need more experience to handle a girl than a country.

My mother warned me to turn down the music on my computer because otherwise she would hit my head on the keyboard.
But I didn't really think it was true and after few seconds I typed ahajalsquwioepxnxmmvcnvxfdjskshaha

Today was my first day entering a court.
The judge shouted “Order, Order!!”
I was so excited,
So I shouted back “fried rice with chicken, five bottles of beer and a chilled glass of special ice mineral water.”
I am now locked up in a dark room.
I am sure they will bring my order soon.

What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.

Want to hear a joke about a roof? The first one is on the house.

Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was the fun-gi.

What do you call a factory that sells good products? A satisfactory.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places – he told me to stop going to those places.

My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

Madam: Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!
Nobody stands up
Madam : I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!
Little Santa stands up
Madam : Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?
Little Santa: "No... I just feel bad that you're standing alone...

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