Khatarnak, Jaanleva Technology problem-
Wife to husband – where were you on Saturday night?
Husband- ohh, there was a urgent work I was asked to finish,
so had to stay back in office.
Wife – Ohh..Really? Then why your "Fitband" shows you burned 300 calories
and your heart rate was more than normal at 1 AM in Night?
Husband- Silent...
Wife-Violent...(*_*)

One day a wife checked the names/contact saved in her husband's mobile
Eye treatment
Treatment of lips
Heart treatment
Body Massage
Wife dialed her number in anger ...
Her name came named as 'incurable'.

Husband wife jokes

Whatsapp from Husband to Wife
Dear Sweetheart,
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. My One and only Cuddly-Wuddly Honey

Your husband

Wife's Response

Apple of My Eye,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1) The Milk man agreed on 5 kisses for one month's milk.
2) The electricity man only agreed after 10 kisses.
3) Your house owner is coming every day and taking 2 kisses instead of the rent.
4) Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items ...........
Plz don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 25 kisses and I hope I can complete
the month using this balance.
.
Only Yours Cutie pie

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husband wife jokes are very popular jokes in day to day life.
Sweet discussion and argument between husband and wife in english make interesting jokes of husband wife.
Forget your tension, reduce your stress and hangout with funny jokes.
We are sure our husband wife Jokes will make you roll with laughter.
Pati patni ki ladai Mithi Mithi nok jhok majedaar chutkule ban jaate hai.
Hasya Vyangya Maje ligiye, Khub Hansiye aur Swastha Rahiye.

Husband wife jokes

pati patni ettni acchi chatni kese bana leti ho jokes

Wife: Judge Sahab Mujhy mere husband se Divorce chahiye.
Judge: Magar wo to No.-1 kabaddi champion hai. Wife: Yeh hi to problem hai.
Anadi Khiladi sirf Chhookar kar bhaag jaata hai.

wife jokes | husband wife jokes in hindi | husband and wife jokes | husband wife funny jokes | new-husband-wife-jokes |
husband wife jokes in english | hindi chutkule |
pati patni jokes chutkule

Pati apni patni ka hath apne hath mein liye bajar mein ghum rha tha.
Tabhi Rastey mein uska dost usey mila aur bola –
“Kya Baat hai yar, Shadi ke itne saal bad bhi apni patni ke prati
Itna Pyar dekh kar Dil khush ho gya.”
Pati: Arey, Aisa kuch nahi hai yar,
Iska hath Chhodte hi,
Ye kisi bhi Dukan mein ghus jati hai, Isliye pakda hua hai.

Sharabi : Agar mere hath mein Sarkar hoti to,
Mein Desh ki Takdeer badal deta…
Sharabi ki Wife (Gusse se): Arey,
Pahele apna Pajama to badal le, Karam jale…
Subah se meri Salwar pahan kar Ghum rha hai.

Wife: Har Successful aadmi ke piche 1 aurat hoti hai.
Husband: Aur agar 1 se jyada aurtey hui to?
Khatarnaak jawab…
Wife: To bad me us Safal aur mahan aadmi ki kahani
“Sawdhan India” mein dikhate hai.

Wife agar kuch bole to,
Apni Gardan ko 2 bar upar niche karein.
Ye Yog sab yog ka baap hai,
ye Yog aapke Khushal Jivan ki Kunji hai…
Dhayn rahe –
Gardan ko kabhi Baye Daye na ghumaye,
Ye bahut khatarnaak sabit ho sakta hai…

Helmet aur patni ka swbhav
ek jesa hota hai
sir par bithakar rakho
to jaan bachi rahgi.....new pati patni jokes

1 Wife ka Whatsapp Status
mai tum par viswas karti hu
par yaad rakhna mera viswas aur
tumhara haddiya ek sath tuttegi

Shaadi ke baad husband-wife movie dekhne gaye
Husband - tum purus ko kis Nazar se dekhti ho
Wife - Saadi ke baad- "Ek tha Tiger" aur
saadi se pahle "Tiger abhi jinda hai"

Patni apne Pati se: "jee, main tumhaara dil mein rahana chaahati hoon." Pati: "theek hai. par vahaan doosara aurrat se ladana mat.....pati patni jokes

baarish aur patni Shuru-Shuru mein achchhi lagti hai .....
baad mein....kich kich kich kich ....
dhyaan se hanso kahi patni dekh na le varana ole bhi pad sakata hai !

Pati patni jokes- Pati patni ki godh mein leta hua thaa.
Patni: Kaisa lag raha hai ji?
Pati: Aise jaise Bhagwan Vishnu shesh naag ki Godh mein lete hon.

Biwi aur saali main kon zyada achi hoti hai?
Answer: Saali behtar(BEST) hai.
Kaash woh biwi ke bagair mil sakti.

Pati apni patni se (suhagraat ko):
Jaaneman apna chand sa chehra to dikaho...
Chehra dekte hi pati bola:
Arey tumhare chehre par to kale dhabbe or gadde hai,
tumhare maa baap ne mujhe dhoka diya hai.
Patni: Dear recent research se chand ka yahi roop samne aaya hai.

Wife: Kaash tum aise sms hote jise
Main Zindagi bhar save karke rakhti!
Husband: Aur kaash tum
aisi Ringtone hoti jise
main har hafte badal sakta.

Wedding Broker: Tumhe kaisi ladki chahiye? Man: Mujhe chand jaisi ladki chahiye, jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye!

Saadi ki pahli raat ko patni boli-
Aaap mere prannath aur mein apke charno ki dasi.
Shaadi ke baad woh ho Gaya Charandas aur,
woh ho gayi prano ki pyaasi.

Pyaar me humne esa bij boya
Kabhi usne kapra dhoya
Kabhi usne mughe dhoya

Kaun Banega Crorepati mein mujhse 1
Crore ka prashn(Question) puchha gaya ki
"Aap ki nazar mein duniya ki sabse
khatarnaak mahila kaun hai?"
kasam se maine 1 Crore ko thokakar
maar di par naam nahin batya
kyonki shaam ko ghar bhi jaana tha....
~ ~ ~
Kaun Banega Crorepati husband wife Jokes

According to Right to Privacy now wife can't ask...
*****
Where are you?
When will you come?
Whom are you talking to?
What's your program?
Why your mobile was busy?
Whom are you with?
How much are you earning?
*****
All thanks to Supreme Court. I hope I have understood the judgement correctly!

Aaj subah se hi mere mitr likh rahe hain ...
"jo amrt pite hain unhen Dev kahate hain aur jo vish pite hain unhen MahaaDev kahte hain!"
are bhai ... jo Rojaana donon hi cheez thoda thoda karake pite hain unhen bhi to PatiDev kahte hain!
new husband wife jokes

Husband-Aajkal ghar me Wife bhi baat-baat mein GST-GST bolane lagi hai.
ghar mein koi bhi bahas chal raha hai vah GST bol kar bahas ko khatm kar deti hai.
tang aakar main poonchh hi liya: - "ye tum baat karte-karte beech mein
hi GST bol kar chal dete ho- kya matalab hai tumhaara ?
aur usane jo javaab diya to Mai sar pakad kar baith gaya
G - galati(mistake)
S - bas(only)
T - tumhaari(Yours) hai ....

Yadi beevi ke naam par 2.5 laakh jama karaane ki chhutti hai to,
saali ke naam par bhi 1.25 laakh jama karaane ki chhoot honichaahie.~ akhil bhaaratiy jeeja sangh!

Pati: aaj se tum Manager ke saath rahane vaali ho.
Patni: awww kaise hon vo dikhane mein?
Pati: paagal kaheen ki, main Manager ban gaya hoon.

Pati patni me jhagda ho raha tha
Pati - Me koi tumse darta hu
Patni - Darte to tum ho,
pahli baar jab tum mere ghar aye
the to pure 250 logo ke sath aye the
or mughe dekho me akele chale ayi na...........husband wife jokes

Dev aur Patidev donon mein kya antar hai?
Dev ki aarti - Sukhkarta, Dukhharta...
Patidev ki aarti - Aisaakarta, Vaisaakarta !

Wife: shaadi ke baad tum mujhase Jaada pyaar nahi karte...
Husband: Darling Exam clear hone ke baad kaun padhata hai?

It is said that Husband is the head of D family,
But
Remember that wife is D Neck of D family.
& the Neck can turn the Head exactly D way she wants.

(-.-) Enjoy latest new husband wife jokes; put a big smile on your loving wife's face sharing funny husband and wife jokes in hindi on her cellphone.

A white couple gets a black child.
Angry husband asks- You white, Me white. Why is baby black?
Wife- You hot, Me hot. Baby burnt!

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his cheque-book open!

True bravery is 2 arrive home.....fully drunk......a latenight out.....& wife waiting with a jhadu and u ask: Hey abhitak safai kar rahi ho?

Wife: Our new neighbour always kisses his wife when he goesto work, why don't you do that? Husband: How can I? I don't even know her.

Wife 2 Husband: Did u Have any GF before marriage ?
Husband remains silent ?
Wife: what is D meaning of silence?
Husband: Wait.. let me count...

Possible Reasons When A Man Opens a car door for wife
1) The Car Is New.
2) The Wife Is New
3) (Most Imp) She Is Not His Wife

Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

1 shaadishuda aadami mandir mein bhagvaan se poochhata hai,
He prabhu! toone bachapan diya use chhin liya,
aisho aaraam diya use bhi chhin liya,
Rupya-paisa diya vo bhi barbaad ho gaya,
aur ab ye bivi di use dekar kyo bhul gaya..

Husband - aj kuch aisi bat batao jisase dil khush bhi ho jaye aur jal bhi jaye
Wife- tumhare sare dosto me sabse acha kiss karane ka style tumhara hai

bivi k thappad marne k bad pati bola Admi use hi marta h jise vo pyar karta h.
bivi ne bhi 2khich k mari or boli-Ap kya samjte h mai apse pyar nahi karti.

Wife: Bus karo rat k 12 baje se kar rahe ho or subai k 8 ho gaye,
Thake nahi ?Husband: abhi to kuchh nahi kia ab to din raat karunga kyu ki..
5000 MSG free hai.

Wife pati se boli-Dekho G Kaam karte Waqt mere ko Kiss-Wiss na kiya karo.
Tabhi Kaamwali Boli-Maidam achi Tarah se Samjha do, Mai to bol-bol ke Thak Gayi

Wife: Dekhi na wo aadmi mujhe ghur ghur ke dekh raha hai.
Husband: Arre wo to bhangar wala ( scrap dealer ) hai, Bekar MAAL par nazar rakhana uski addat hai...........

Patni- Shadi K Pehle Aap Roz Gift Dete The, Par Ab Nai Dete, Kyu?
Pati- Tune Kabhi Kisi Machware
Ko Machli Pakdne K Baad Use Dana Dalte Dekha Hai

Wife-kitna pyar karte ho hame.
Husband-shahjhan jitna.
Wife-mere marne ke bad taj mahal banaoge.
Hsbnd-me plot bhi le chuka hu
pagli der to tu kar rahi he.

Husband:
Jab mai
tumpe chillata hu tab
tum apna gussa kispe
nikalti ho ??
.
Wife:
toilet saaf karke
.
Husband:
Hahahaha ,
bewkoof aurat vo kaise?
.
Wife:
Toilet aapke
toothbrush se saaf
karti hu.

Husband wife jokes

Patni ka "I love you" bolne ke baad pati ka "I love you Tooooooooo" bolna utna he jaruri h
jinta "jor se bolo" ke baad "Jay maata di" bolna

On Sáturday Night
Wife In very Romantic Mood:-Aaj Muje Rassi Se
Bandh Do aur Jo Karna Chaho Kár Looo januuuuu.
Páppu Ne Usay Bandha Or Dosto K Sáth
Ghoomne Chala Gayá

Bhákt: Guru ji, Aisi Patni ko kyá kahte hai jo..
Bahot Fair ho,
Height achhi ho,
Bahut cute ho
Nature sweet ho,
Brilliant ho,
Pati ko samjhe Aur
kabhi jhagda ná kare?
Guru ji: Mann ka Vahám kahte hain Beta, Mann ka Váham!!!

kal teri wife bahut jor jor se chillai kyo thi ?
mere ghar taak aawaz aaye the|
are kuch nahi yaar uska Photo facebook pe upload karne ke jagah OLX par upload ho gaya|

Judge - tumne apne wife ko 10 saal dra ke dhamka ke apne baas me rakha
Mujrim - esa nahi hai......
Judge - Saphai nahi tarike batoo.......tarika !!!

Husband ne Wife ko sms kiya:
"Dinner pe mere sath Rajiv, Sanjiv, Tanu aur Manu aa rahe hain... acha sa laziz khana bana dena dear"
Phir 10 mins ke baaf 2nd sms kia:
"Mera promotion ho gaya aur Meri salary badh gai hai, next month tumhe Diamond ki Ring la kar dunga.."
Wife ne reply kiya:
"Oh my God Really Darling" ? ||latest husband wife jokes by latestsms.in||
Husband: "Nahi... Main Check kar raha tha mera pehla sms mila ya nhi... warna tu bolegi mujhe messages mila hi nahi.."

Wife 2 Husband - Sunte Ho ji..?
Mujhe Happiness ki spelling batao!!
.
.
.
Husband: Likhhh… U N M A R R I E D........Unmarried...........short husbnad wife jokes

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amusing punch line. Are You Just Feeling Blue? Change your mind with hubby wife funny gags.
Are You Bored? Reboot Your Brain with witticism. Refresh yourself with tons of jokes, prank,
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Police to -Mahile, app bahut bahadur ho jee
aap ne mashur daku ko bahut mara
Mahila-mughe kaya pata tha ki wo daaku hai
Raat bahut ghana andhera tha
Me to samghi ki wo mera husband hai aur bahut der se
ghar aaya hai.......

Wife market se looti
husband- mera andaaza hai es box me koi khane ki chiz hai
Wife- are wahh Pati Parmeshwar
app ne sahi andaaza lagaya esme me
mere sandal hai

Pro Tip:
If you are looking for some adventure, then go visit your in-laws!

Wife to hubby: Darling in pictures of Shiva-Parvati, Shiva has a Trishool.
In pictures of Vishnu-Lakshmi, Vishnu has Chakra in hand and pictures of Rama-Sita,
Rama has bow in hand. But in case of Krishna-Radha, he has flute in hand. Why is this?
Hubby: You see dear the three God's whom you mentioned first are with the wives.
That is why they have weapons. Krishna is with his girlfriend.
Hence no weapons required. This shows when it comes to dealing with wives, even Gods need protection.

Faithful" husbands will go straight to heaven..!
.
While,.
Unfaithful will enjoy heaven on earth..!!
'Choise is yours"

This jokes specially for shadi ke side effect se paresan pati ke liye
kabhi aap bahut dukhi ho to apni shadi ka video
backward karke dekhye maja aa jayega
appki wife aap ke gale se haar uttaregi,
car me bethegi aur apne ghar laut jayegi
aur aap ke friends dance karte karte apne ghar laut jayege

Strait Insult:
Husband- Ye kaisa khana banaya hai tumne bilkul gobar jaisa..
Wife: Hey bhagwan is adami ne to har cheez chak rakhi hai..

Wife: Kya faltu games khelte rahte ho...
Agar himmat hai to Blue Whale Game Khel ke dikhao.
Husband: Main Bacchpan Se Khel Raha Hun. Tumse Shaadi Mera Last Task Tha!

Friend 1: Why is your eye swollen?
Friend 2: It was my wife's birthday yesterday and I bought her a cake.
Friend 1: But how did your eye get swollen?
Friend 2: Her name is Tapasya... but that cake shop idiot wrote "Happy Birthday Samasya"!

Pati Patni me Jhagra ho gaya
Pati kuwa ke taraph bhagi
Kuwa se girne ki jor se aawaz aayi
Pati kuwa ke pass jaakar jor jor se hasne laga
Pati ne kaha -Jalo musibat tali..No Tension...No Fear
Peeche se kisi ke hasne ki aawaz aayi
Pati ne palat kar dekha to uski patni hai
Patni- Your Tension....Your Fear....are just Here....O My Dear ?
Pati- mughe laga ki tum ne kuwa me dub kar maar gaye
Patni- mene to kuwa me 1 bada sa pathaar pheka tha...

Married men don't have a Lifestyle...
.
.
They live according to Wifestyle!

Wives apane Hubby ko jitana sataati hai Na, utana hi unako kaam karane vaali baiyaan(Maid) sataati hain.
sab karmon ka phal hai

Husbnad - aaj ghar bahut Neat and Clean dikh raha h?
Tumhara WhatsApp aaj band hai kaya?
Wife - nahi jee, wo mera charger nahi mil raha tha
khojte khojte safai ho gayi.....

Shuddh Hindi me madhur rasili pati ke liye -
Naasta banana,
Bartan saaf karna
Ghar ki safai karna
Kapre dhona
Ese sabhi kaam agar koi estri jaldi jaldi
shantipurwak kare to use kaamwali kahte H
aur ye sabhi kaam koi estri bhayankar krodh
me aur barbarate hue kare to use Gharwali kahte H

ek hath me Lipstick
dusre me Mobile
Ek kaan cooker ki siti par
dusra whatapp ki notification par
ek aakh TV serial par
dusra husband ki activity par
koon kahta hai nari jiwan aasan h

After great demands from all husbands..........
All new app called "Darr" is launched for Smartphones.....
As you just speak..... 'Wife'.....and it closes all open websites,
hides all chats, shuts down all games,
hide all special folders and best of all.
puts your wife's photo as a wallpaper.
Also, your wife name run as screensaver
When Smartphone screen is idle.

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